Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Organization Creations

I know things have to change.  I've been struggling for a long time with this, but each time I start, I run out of steam.  My house is a series of unfinished projects, confused spaces, patchwork organization and a tornado of chaos.  My life, really...

So there I sat, uninspired, stalled out and tired of thinking about it.  Maybe I should just accept that I'm lazy, disorganized and a perpetual mess.  But I hate self pity, and when I get to that place, I claw my way back up to the light where I can breath and BE again.

So I stopped thinking about it.

Organizing starts from the inside out, so I went back to basics and started designing.  Visual representations.  Asking questions, brainstorming answers, and putting it all together.  Instead of dwelling on the way it's been and what I hate, I am trying to focus on what my life will look like once it's the way I want.  Talk about exciting.  This is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Taking a large step back, I thought about who I am and what I want, and what I want to accomplish.  In my personal life, in my family life, professional life and love life.  I know that change can't happen without accepting and working with yourself on a deep and painfully honest level...so rather than running away frustrated and hopeless that A, B and C system didn't work, I decided to put together a personalized plan, fit for me and my quirks and annoying habits. ;)  I still don't know if any of this is going to help me put all of this into motion, but it feels good, and as long as I can be consistent about it, change can happen.

I started by putting together a visual representation of my core values, as they are right now (they change over time).

Then I decided to simplify the chores, so we aren't flying by the seat of our pants every day scrambling to keep up with messes.

Then when I thought about menu planning and visualizing my head exploding, I remembered that I'd already put this together a few months ago when we came off the juice diet!  BOOYA!  Maybe if I have all this in one place I'll actually use all this crap I put together...

I also want to put together a more detailed daily schedule with time mapped out for housework, photography design and work, blogging, library storytimes for Max, family nights, working out, etc.

There's lots going on with the kids too that I need to start staying on top of.  The more I neglect getting appointments made and a structure in place, the longer the torture continues. More on that later. 

Until then, I'll keep you updated with progress!!

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Reggie and I saw the movie Wanderlust last weekend. While the movie itself was "meh" with a few scenes that had us grasping to stay in our seats from laughing out of them, I found myself cringing at the similarities between Jennifer Aniston's character "Linda" and myself.  At one point in the movie, Linda and her husband George (Paul Rudd) have a knock down drag out fight about how Linda needs to find something to do and stick to it.  George is tired of carrying her from one flight of fancy to the next.   I looked at Reggie, and his eyebrows lifted as he gave me a quick sideways glance...I smiled innocently at him, blinking my eyes slowly.

It's true.  I cannot be defined by one particular thing.  I love ALLTHETHINGS.  I've found myself glamorized by more than one career option throughout my life.  While Reggie found his ONE TRUE THING early on in life, I've drifted from one career option to the next, pollinating ideas but not sticking around to watch any one thing bloom into something sustainable. 

I don't see that changing.  I know that I experience cycles in my life where I am full and bursting with ideas and concepts, putting some into motion, then stumble through the desert of dry spells, with nothing fresh or inspiring to motivate me.  It's hard for me to stick to something once it's lost my lust for it.  Besides, something new will always come along.

With photography though, I know this is my calling, my gift and my heart. I just sometimes lack the courage and confidence to bask in the full power of it.  It's hard to put myself out there on that level.  And there's that distraction thing...

It feels like wanderlust to me.  Only it's not just about traveling, believe you me, I have the LUST for travel something fierce.  It's more about freedom and following my passion to explore, have adventure, and enjoy every morsel of life while I am able.

I met someone recently who explained that his philosophy in life and happiness is that he has one "ticket" to this life, and he's not messing around with people or things that don't jive with his ticket.  It made me wonder how closely I'm living my life to my passions and values. 

When I stop and think about it, I really haven't been living as authentically as I want to be.  There are parts of me starved to be fed, passions like thirsts that need to be quenched, adventures and experiences that are only alive in my imagination.  In order to pursue these fantasies, my reality would need to be shifted in such a way that my current life wouldn't suffer from the trauma of such a dynamic and drastic change.  It's not that I want to run away from my life (though there are days, let me tell youuuu!), it's that I've lived this one way for so long....I've been doing the same thing for so long....my soul feels fragmented and dull.  This is not what I'm meant to do with my entire life.  I feel like I'm ready to start exploring my world a little bit more, to reach beyond the normal, to discover the deeper parts of myself that are screaming to be discovered.

Watching Wanderlust the other day made me realize I'm living my life in a box of safety and security.  I've been trying to break out through different means and ways that aren't the healthiest.  I think what I am seeking is to open up my box and break out of my comfort zone a little and start exploring.  If I've learned anything about myself from my early career explorations, it's that I'm an explorer in life, and I need to get to it.

I'm going to work on this...