Reggie and I saw the movie Wanderlust last weekend. While the movie itself was "meh" with a few scenes that had us grasping to stay in our seats from laughing out of them, I found myself cringing at the similarities between Jennifer Aniston's character "Linda" and myself. At one point in the movie, Linda and her husband George (Paul Rudd) have a knock down drag out fight about how Linda needs to find something to do and stick to it. George is tired of carrying her from one flight of fancy to the next. I looked at Reggie, and his eyebrows lifted as he gave me a quick sideways glance...I smiled innocently at him, blinking my eyes slowly.
It's true. I cannot be defined by one particular thing. I love ALLTHETHINGS. I've found myself glamorized by more than one career option throughout my life. While Reggie found his ONE TRUE THING early on in life, I've drifted from one career option to the next, pollinating ideas but not sticking around to watch any one thing bloom into something sustainable.
I don't see that changing. I know that I experience cycles in my life where I am full and bursting with ideas and concepts, putting some into motion, then stumble through the desert of dry spells, with nothing fresh or inspiring to motivate me. It's hard for me to stick to something once it's lost my lust for it. Besides, something new will always come along.
With photography though, I know this is my calling, my gift and my heart. I just sometimes lack the courage and confidence to bask in the full power of it. It's hard to put myself out there on that level. And there's that distraction thing...
It feels like wanderlust to me. Only it's not just about traveling, believe you me, I have the LUST for travel something fierce. It's more about freedom and following my passion to explore, have adventure, and enjoy every morsel of life while I am able.
I met someone recently who explained that his philosophy in life and happiness is that he has one "ticket" to this life, and he's not messing around with people or things that don't jive with his ticket. It made me wonder how closely I'm living my life to my passions and values.
When I stop and think about it, I really haven't been living as authentically as I want to be. There are parts of me starved to be fed, passions like thirsts that need to be quenched, adventures and experiences that are only alive in my imagination. In order to pursue these fantasies, my reality would need to be shifted in such a way that my current life wouldn't suffer from the trauma of such a dynamic and drastic change. It's not that I want to run away from my life (though there are days, let me tell youuuu!), it's that I've lived this one way for so long....I've been doing the same thing for so long....my soul feels fragmented and dull. This is not what I'm meant to do with my entire life. I feel like I'm ready to start exploring my world a little bit more, to reach beyond the normal, to discover the deeper parts of myself that are screaming to be discovered.
Watching Wanderlust the other day made me realize I'm living my life in a box of safety and security. I've been trying to break out through different means and ways that aren't the healthiest. I think what I am seeking is to open up my box and break out of my comfort zone a little and start exploring. If I've learned anything about myself from my early career explorations, it's that I'm an explorer in life, and I need to get to it.
I'm going to work on this...